Secret Mission #1: Leave a Hope Note for Someone to Find

Yesterday, like the past week, was hectic. I had little time for anything, let alone my Mondo. That made me a bit sad, until my secret mission came. It only took me a moment- well 2 moments- and made me feel connected and back into my Beyondo.

I took these at work- one in the ladies room, the other at the vending machine. Mondo Beyondo unleashed in Mid-town Manhattan.

Bonita's Mondo List

Ah the list!

I didn't have that hard a time- although- when I read this over- they don't seem tooo extreme. So, maybe it is just phase one... who knows.  I decided to create my Mondo journal from an old one I kept years ago. Although- I didn't remember writing in it. When I saw what was written in this beautiful journal- I shredded the pages. You will see the rip marks at the binding. I have had enough of those pages and instead decided to fill the pages with beauty and dreaming.

Lesson Zero: The True You Exercise

Yes, I am already out of order- but that is okay. I'm ready to make my list of those I admire....

A list of the reasons I admire them. In bold- what jumps out to me the most.

T:

Lucky in love

Mother

Naturally smiling

Adored by everyone

Elf-like

Sweet personality

S:

Loved by her husband for just who she is

World traveler

Smart

Artistic

Never ending energy

Leaves the house without makeup

Charmed

What do these attributes mean to me?

Lucky in love: T is not only rarely single- she is married now- but she is always in deep and meaningful long term love affairs. She knows what love feels like.

Naturally smiling: T seems to have a grin- a deep inner happiness. Somewhat child-like. Her soul is warm and it glows out of her.

Elf-like: she is a little sprite. You can fit her in your pocket and something about her is always magical.

Loved by her husband for just who she is: S is in a relationship that has seen good and bad. She has been moody and mean and joyful and loving and he adores her any which way.

World Traveler: She decided to live everywhere- and has. She can make anyplace her home and has seen this planet and all of its beauty.

Charmed: The girl gets it her way- usually with little effort. 

My Core Values:

Loyalty

Friendship

Love

Honesty

Seeing the positive, even through negative moments.

Lesson Two: The Power of the List

Today we were tasked (tasked? challenged? urged? inspired?) to begin thinking about the power of The List. We were asked to dig deep back onto our past and think of our dreams when we were children. Specifically, "Do you remember what simple, grand or silly thing you wanted to do or be when you were ten?"

I know- sweet right? But not for me. Immediate panic set over me. Immediate. See, while most ten year olds were dreaming of ballet slippers and astronaut helmets and fire trucks, I was living in a war zone. My house was a bad house. It was filled with fear and tears and slamming doors and bruises and abuse that would take years to admit and a lifetime to deal with. I didn't get to dream. I didn't dare dream. I spent all of my time surviving. I spent my time alone and numb and staring at nothing. It did not occur to me to dream while living in a nightmare.

Which, is why I am here. Now. I had always felt separate, off center, and not quite right. I felt that I was faking it being around others. They knew how to do it with ease- how to play- draw- sing-skip. But not me. I never understood why they did that. And I knew I was missing out. My childhood was not a childhood. So much so that it didn't occur to me to dream. To think of anything beyond the day, the hour, the moment. It would have broken my heart to have thought about years in advance, and those years also being miserable. So, I just didn't. I didn't believe in dreams, in myself. Which is why I am here. Now. 

So, I can't honestly answer what I dreamt of at age ten. Because I didn't. Which is why I am here. Now.

Art.

Another reason to love Mondo? They inspire you- before they inspire you. For me, this came two fold.

First, I am always a bit envious of artistic people. Not only are they artistic, and are able to make tangible beauty, but, their mind thinks beauty. From that mind, beauty comes into the world. Not only have I never been artistic (though always dreamed to be) I never have artistic thoughts. That is until now. When I used to think about pictures- of anything, I would look for another's picture of what I was thinking. Now, I do it myself.

Mondo sent us a book of art with a task to write a secret message to ourselves. I wanted to do it immediately- and photograph it. Two messages spoke to me for reasons very clear to me. I never had a real childhood. I was young, but never a child. From that lost time, I lost the time in your life when magic could be real, that games were easy to think of and do. But I never had that time. And I want to reclaim that now.

My life has always been work and an uphill battle. I have always worked and planned and done it on my own. And that is exhausting! I was jealous of other's little adventures and trips and surprises. That is until now. I want to reclaim that for my own. 

From these beginnings not only do I find the artist in myself, but the ability to be playful in that art. To wing it and not always plan ahead- to let there be some space for magic. 

Thank you to Andrea and Jen. These are for You. These are for Me. These are for the Dreamers.

Affirmations

Oh Mondo how I love thee.

This week has been full of stress and anxiety and things at work bringing up the little skips in my heart that make me feel uneasy. I need to hear that Everything Will be Alright. And then my affirmations came.

I love them and all of their simplistic beauty. This week has been full of whirling co-workers and stress and stress and stress and deadlines and stress. Oh how I needed someone or something to give me some strength. All week I have been trying to stay positive in negative situations. And these little notes meant a very big deal to me.

Thank you Mondo. Thank you for being that push back to the light.